Monday YouTube

Easter: The Untold True Story

Another Music Post

Yes, I'm stuck in a rut.

Today I realized that I can quickly and easily determine how much I like a band. I've been judging artists on a song by song basis for some time, accepting that artists have hits and misses, and then assessing how much I like the band based on how many songs I like as opposed to how many songs I dislike. This approach proved economical until I realized that comparing one artist to another suddenly involves a complicated calculus of positive songs to negative songs and failed to take into account the quality of the songs themselves by distilling them to mere +'s and -'s.

I have since come up with a much simpler system: now, to determine exactly how much I like a band, I just name my favorite song by them, and the more obscure the song is, the more I like the artist. There are those who say that picking a favorite isn't easy, but it is. It should be a quick, knee jerk, first song to enter your head. Watch as the system works with ten random bands/songs that come to mind:

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers: "Rhino Skin"

Elton John: "Levon"

The Cars: "You Might Think"

Nirvana: "Heart Shaped Box"

Dave Matthews Band: "Ants Marching"

They Might Be Giants: "Ana Ng"

Billy Joel: "Don't Ask Me Why"

Neil Diamond: "Solitary Man"

Simon and Garfunkel: "Keep the Customer Satisfied"

The Ventures: "Walk, Don't Run"

So, rearranging these in order of obscurity, we get:

1. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
2. Simon and Garfunkel
3. They Might Be Giants
4. Elton John
5. The Cars
6. Billy Joel
7. Neil Diamond
8. The Ventures
9. Nirvana
10. Dave Matthews Band

which is an agreeable order, with a few problems:

1. It is difficult to rank They Might Be Giants, as they're a relatively obscure band as opposed to the others, and thus have a leg up in obscurity. Basically, I figured that I could name at least two dozen TP and S&G songs that are better known than my two favorites, while Ana Ng is one of TMBG's better known songs. However, since it takes more effort to follow a lesser known band, perhaps the extra effort suggests I like them more.

2. I'm unhappy about The Ventures' free fall to 8, below both Neil Diamond and Billy Joel, because I'm pretty sure I like The Ventures better than either of those. It's just that "Walk, Don't Run" is really, really catchy. This system may penalize bands that have a singular masterpiece backed with a solid repertoire.

3. 4 and 5 are practically interchangeable, while there is a chasm between 5 and 6. I'll routinely list Elton John and The Cars among my favorite artists. Billy Joel, meanwhile, is just an artist I appreciate. There is also a chasm between 9 and 10, which leads to...

4. Would this work in ranking bands I don't like who managed to provide a song I thought was good? Or would I have to rank my least favorite songs by those artists? It's a good thing I don't have a girlfriend, otherwise I wouldn't have time to think all this through.

It Didn't Feel Like the First Time the Second Time

Today, I heard Foreigner's "Feels Like the First Time" not once, but twice. Both times, pretty much the only thing I thought was this.

Wait, I also thought that if I were to write a parody of the song using the dumbest lyrics imaginable, I would not be able to top "It feels like the first time/like it never felt before."

More Thoughts on Songs I Heard On the Radio Today

"Small Town", John Mellencamp: I take issue with the line "I can be myself living in a small town, where people let me be just what I want to be." Perhaps Seymour is more enlightened and laid back than most small towns in Indiana, but my experience has been quite the opposite. People do not let you be just who you want to be if you want to be somewhat quirky. If you want to be a constantly conforming tool, however, then I guess you're in the right place.

"Uptown Girl", Billy Joel: Somehow, I just don't buy into the notion that Billy Joel was ever keeping it real in the ghetto, (...in the ghet-TO!), unable to draw the attention of the pretentious, pampered girl from uptown. I find it much more likely that Billy Joel was a smarmy, upwardly mobile yuppie in his youth, probably oozing disdain for everyone around him. In fact, I'm almost positive. Just listen to "Piano Man" with its thesis of "I'm better than all you losers, so I'm getting out of here."

"Cruel To Be Kind", Nick Lowe: It's a good thing I don't hear this song frequently enough to know the words to it, because if I did I would probably quote it multiple times a day and get considerably more weird looks from my coworkers. Also, this, along with the Bay City Rollers post a couple spots down, shows that I may have a strange weakness for short, snappy, pop songs, which I think might be a dying art form. See also "The Letter" by The Box Tops, "Paperback Writer" by The Beatles, and "There She Goes" by The La's.

Mustache Kind of Feeling

I have not posted lately, but it's not for lack of ideas. It's not really for lack of time, either. It's been lack of effort. I apologize for this. I have a few posts floating around in my skull that haven't quite materialized the way I want, and rather than rewrite them, I just give up and do something else. To placate the MILLIONS of loyal readers this blog undoubtedly has lurking in the dark corners of the internets, I have decided to write one to fruition. Sadly, it'll be the one where I obsess about my looks.

Remember back in February when I confessed to feeling a little bit down? Well, one side effect of that down-feeling was that I stopped shaving. I have not shaved since early February. One might wonder what sort of monstrous, Wookieean visage I currently bear as a result of this shaving fast. Wonder no longer, mythical literary device person:



A mustache. And a goatee. With no connecting facial hair. I call this facial hair style the Musketeer, and it happens to be the only style I can actually grow. I kept it for much longer this time because a few women complimented my mustache. These were not women I have any desire to date or sleep with, but when it comes to my admittedly quirky looks, I take whatever friendliness I can find.

There is no point to this post other than to point out the weird facial hair I have, but I will provide a glimpse of mustache insight for the mostly female readership of this space. See how my mustache easily hangs over my freakishly tiny upper lip? This allows me to taste my mustache, and it tastes like a sweaty kiss. I would work out with my first girlfriend while she was getting in shape for hockey season, and frequently went hiking with my second. Many a pleasantly sweaty kiss were exchanged in these times, and it appears the exact flavor is preserved in mustache hair. Who knew?

M-O-N! D-A-Y! NIGHT! YouTube

Some songs simply demand audience participation, and they cannot be resisted. This is one of them.




...Sss-Sss-Sss-Saturday Ni-IGHT....