Nando, my third college roommate, called me out of the blue tonight. We had a delightful chat, caught up on each other's schemes and affairs, and talked some pro basketball, as our favorite teams (The Pacers and the Timberwolves) are both mired in mediocrity. However, toward the end of our conversation he kept singing bits and pieces of some song I didn't recognize, and when I asked what it was, he said, "You mean you never saw that commercial?" Since I don't have cable, the answer to this question under almost all circumstances is "no," so he proceeded to get on the YouTube and send me this:
Now, after we mused about the utter hilarity of this video (starting with Hootie's purple cowboy shirt and awkward facial expression), we came up with a stellar idea. Since BK is already in the business of producing ridiculous XBox games, why not have Hootie revise all of his hits so that they're about Burger King food and sell them for $3.99 with a purchase of a Value Meal? I'll start.
He pulls up to the drive-thru window
Tryin' to find the key to her appetite.
But she don't want no burger nor a coke
She don't want no apple pie.
He always picks in vain,
Just to go home where she complains
That he got her order wrong.
But tonight it all will change
Her tastebuds will rearrange
and she'll start to sing a very different song
With her Chicken Fries
Tasty snack for on the go
Creamy sauce of Buffalo
With a cup of BK Joe
And when she opens up her lunch bag,
She will go, "Oh how'd you know?"
...and so on for two more verses. If pop songs about people being united in their love for fast food isn't a surefire sell, then I just don't know what is. It's amazing I'm not a millionaire with these kinds of ideas floating around in my head.