Scene: Andy is clearing all the trash out of his apartment.
...my baby wrote me a letter BOW! BOW! BOW, BA BOW BOW!
Hey! There's Jeff's dumb girly alcohol that everyone always makes fun of.
Yeah, I should probably throw that out. It's probably three years old by now.
Dude, you can't throw that out. It's not yours.
Plus it'd be wasteful. You can't waste stuff. It's not right.
Not at all.
Can't throw it out.
Oh c'mon now. Seriously. I don't drink, and even if I did, I'm pretty sure I couldn't even stoop to that level. And Jeff isn't coming back for it. I'm throwing it out.
Ha ha, look, it's even got a raspberry print on the inside label. How precious.
Seriously, does this even count as alcohol? I say no.
Agreed. Not alcohol. Let's drink it and find out why everyone makes fun of it.
Oooh! Good idea.
No. Not a good idea at all. Every time I drink, I get pissed off for no good reason and end up miserable.
Well, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason you live in a grossly disgusting apartment is that you aren't pissed off enough?
Definitely. Plus, if you throw it away, the bag will get heavy. I'm not going to carry that heavy bag down the stairs.
Good call. Let's just drink it, laugh at Jeff's horrible taste from three years ago, and then get back to cleaning.
No no no. It's three years old. It's got to be bad by now.
Oh, I'm sure it was bad to begin with.
Plus, it's in a bottle. A sealed bottle! It'll probably be good forever.
Yeah, just like when you freeze or jar things, they stay good forever. Same with bottling. I'm sure of it.
No no no. I'm relatively sure that's not true. I think you just made it up.
Makes sense though. And let's not fool ourselves: if it were a Diet Coke, you would have drank it already, so I don't think you've got a leg to stand on regarding the freshness issue.
Mmmm. Diet Coke. Now I'm thirsty. Lucky thing we've got a drink in our hand.
Time to take a break.
NO. I've got work to do.
And I'm sure this will get you in the right mindset. All right. Bottoms up.
Ick. I'm not too impressed.
Ha ha! It tastes like a frickin' burning Dum Dum.
You've got to be kidding me. This isn't anything like alcohol. Drink some more.
I don't want to.
Neither do I, but the sink is full of dirty dishes, and the bathroom is clogged, so we don't have a place to pour it out.
That is dumb.
Just drink it.
Fine. God, why am I drinking this?
It'll motivate you. You know, somehow I don't think this is meant to be drank at room temperature.
It just adds to the appeal, really.
Ugh. Let's just finish the damn thing and get back to work.
And put the rest in the fridge since we're not throwing them out.
**Roughly 30 minutes later, while putting a load of jeans in the dryer**
Ugh. That drink didn't really agree with the stomach one bit.
In hindsight, drinking a three year old semi-alcoholic beverage after recovering from a gastric illness might not have been the best idea we've ever had.
Really, someone probably should've talked us out of that one.
Seems to be helping with the head injury though. The headaches all but gone.
Yeah, but that's only because the other side is pounding too now. Why do I listen to you two?
Beats me. You're the smart one here. Why don't you ever talk us out these idea?
Wait, check out that lock on the dryer! I bet we could jimmy that lock with the restraint key and open it up!
No, that's theft.
Well, then we'll only take the money we put in. That way, we're not stealing from any of our neighbors.
Just the landlord who refuses to fix the pipes which ensure that there are always dirty dishes in the sink.
And he's got it coming.
Who charges their residents to do laundry, anyway? That's pretty rude.
STOP!
Tune in next time, as Andy breaks his restraint key in a dryer lock, then steals a ceiling tile to replace the ruined one in his apartment.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
I hate movies that last too long. Yes, Mr. Filmmaker, I realize that all of your ideas were just pure brilliance, but they're not all relevant to this movie, so please just stick them in the bin for next time, and hire a freaking editor. This practice most often infuriates me when a movie decides to give you details of everything that happened to everybody and everything in the movie after the action and development has stopped instead of just ending the friggin movie. For a particularly awful example of this, see Casino Royale, or just a few more years and see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Lawrence of Arabia is 3 hours and 40 minutes long, and it didn't remotely seem too long to me. There was enough good plot and character development happening the whole time that I was intrigued until the end. It took me a long time to talk myself into seeing it. Over a month, actually, but it's a good one if you've got four hours that you'd rather not spend doing anything constructive. Steven Spielberg cites this as his favorite movie of all time, and even has a little spiel about it on the bonus features disc. I think the most telling thing about how much I liked this movie is that after spending 220 minutes watching it, I took the time to peruse the special features. Anyway, if there's one thing I'm not going to do, it's argue with the creator of Animaniacs about what is and is not awesome.
My favorite dialogue:
Tafas: Truly now, you are a British officer?
Lawrence: Yes.
Tafas: From Cairo?
Lawrence: Yes.
Tafas: You did not ride from Cairo?
Lawrence: No, thank heavens. It's 900 miles. I came by boat.
Tafas: And before? From Britain?
Lawrence: Yes.
Tafas: Truly?
Lawrence: From Oxfordshire.
Tafas: Is that a desert country?
Lawrence: No. A fat country. Fat people.
Tafas: You are not fat?
Lawrence: No. I'm different.
So, yeah, David Lean is quickly climbing the ranks of "Directors whose movies I'll see just because they directed it," and is now ranked just behind The Coen Brothers and Clint Eastwood.
Oh, and speaking of the Coen Brothers, I watched a TOTALLY ilLEGAL COPY of No Country For Old Men last week too. After the Oscars, I presume I'll be writing an exasperated post about how the Coens were shafted again.
Ok, so time to update the sadly neglected Board.
Lawrence of Arabia is 3 hours and 40 minutes long, and it didn't remotely seem too long to me. There was enough good plot and character development happening the whole time that I was intrigued until the end. It took me a long time to talk myself into seeing it. Over a month, actually, but it's a good one if you've got four hours that you'd rather not spend doing anything constructive. Steven Spielberg cites this as his favorite movie of all time, and even has a little spiel about it on the bonus features disc. I think the most telling thing about how much I liked this movie is that after spending 220 minutes watching it, I took the time to peruse the special features. Anyway, if there's one thing I'm not going to do, it's argue with the creator of Animaniacs about what is and is not awesome.
My favorite dialogue:
Tafas: Truly now, you are a British officer?
Lawrence: Yes.
Tafas: From Cairo?
Lawrence: Yes.
Tafas: You did not ride from Cairo?
Lawrence: No, thank heavens. It's 900 miles. I came by boat.
Tafas: And before? From Britain?
Lawrence: Yes.
Tafas: Truly?
Lawrence: From Oxfordshire.
Tafas: Is that a desert country?
Lawrence: No. A fat country. Fat people.
Tafas: You are not fat?
Lawrence: No. I'm different.
So, yeah, David Lean is quickly climbing the ranks of "Directors whose movies I'll see just because they directed it," and is now ranked just behind The Coen Brothers and Clint Eastwood.
Oh, and speaking of the Coen Brothers, I watched a TOTALLY ilLEGAL COPY of No Country For Old Men last week too. After the Oscars, I presume I'll be writing an exasperated post about how the Coens were shafted again.
Ok, so time to update the sadly neglected Board.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Ick
Guys, I'm just not feeling so well these days. I appear to be suffering from some sort of gross intestinal illness. It's, as I said, gross. I'm pretty sure I got it from work, as over half our residents have been placed on a clear liquid diet for digestion problems in the past week. It's not fun. Not one bit fun.
So, January continues to be not a banner month for this blog. And since February annually sucks, I'll probably get back to my usual awesome posting sometime around mid-March.
So, January continues to be not a banner month for this blog. And since February annually sucks, I'll probably get back to my usual awesome posting sometime around mid-March.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Things I've Learned This Week
1. If you say, "I've always wanted to be able to draw a perfect heptagon," people will look at you like you're crazy.
2. If you ever get a quesadilla maker, find out if it prefers certain sized tortillas prior to buying two packs of tortillas.
3. Seriously, can you draw a perfect heptagon? It's hard.
4. If you stop blogging for awhile, people might think you have a social life, when in fact you're just addicted to a video game.
5. Really, the topmost point almost always sticks out funny.
6. If someone spends their "break" sitting in the nurse's station of their assigned unit yelling at patients, and then yelling at patients for arguing with them while they're on their break, no one should ever take that person seriously on how to build a therapeutic environment or establish a good rapport with the clients.
7. Drawing perfect nonagons has no appeal for me whatsoever. Heptagons are the thing, I tell you.
2. If you ever get a quesadilla maker, find out if it prefers certain sized tortillas prior to buying two packs of tortillas.
3. Seriously, can you draw a perfect heptagon? It's hard.
4. If you stop blogging for awhile, people might think you have a social life, when in fact you're just addicted to a video game.
5. Really, the topmost point almost always sticks out funny.
6. If someone spends their "break" sitting in the nurse's station of their assigned unit yelling at patients, and then yelling at patients for arguing with them while they're on their break, no one should ever take that person seriously on how to build a therapeutic environment or establish a good rapport with the clients.
7. Drawing perfect nonagons has no appeal for me whatsoever. Heptagons are the thing, I tell you.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Other Things I Hear on Oldies Radio
I believe it was Friday when I heard a promo for 103.5's website which told me of a poll where I could vote for which presidential candidate has the hottest wife.
This has disturbed me greatly. It's the frickin' oldies station. They don't have shock jocks. I'm reasonably sure I'm one of only three males from the 18-30 demographic who listens to it. Why is this necessary, and who is it being directed toward?
Well, I've mulled it over, and here's the Only Possible Explanation: Spousal hotness is really the only issue oldies radio listeners care about, and are dependent upon their radio station's web site to inform them of the options. Thus, this is actually a public service provided to their consumers, and not a misguided and inexplicable promotional stunt.
And so, despite my initial revulsion and confusion over the idea, I have decided it is in fact a good thing, because really, is there even a debate here? It's like asking, "Who is the hottest cartoon character ever?" People might think for a second until one person says, "Jessica Rabbit" and everyone else says, "oh yeah." Hopefully, the "First Hottie" method of voting will catch fire, and in a year, we can all celebrate the first day of the Kucinich Administration.
This has disturbed me greatly. It's the frickin' oldies station. They don't have shock jocks. I'm reasonably sure I'm one of only three males from the 18-30 demographic who listens to it. Why is this necessary, and who is it being directed toward?
Well, I've mulled it over, and here's the Only Possible Explanation: Spousal hotness is really the only issue oldies radio listeners care about, and are dependent upon their radio station's web site to inform them of the options. Thus, this is actually a public service provided to their consumers, and not a misguided and inexplicable promotional stunt.
And so, despite my initial revulsion and confusion over the idea, I have decided it is in fact a good thing, because really, is there even a debate here? It's like asking, "Who is the hottest cartoon character ever?" People might think for a second until one person says, "Jessica Rabbit" and everyone else says, "oh yeah." Hopefully, the "First Hottie" method of voting will catch fire, and in a year, we can all celebrate the first day of the Kucinich Administration.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Monday Morning YouTube
Ah, this video never fails to amuse me. I mean, really, everything, the song, the fake instrument playing, the lip-syncing, the mustaches, it's all perfect. Just bask in its glory.
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