Astrology, Simplified

Female Patient: Andy, you're a Libra, right?
Me: No.
FP: What are you then?
Me: Sagittarius.
FP: So you were born in December, right?
Me: Yeah, why do you know that?
FP: I'm a Scorpio because I was born in November.
Me: So what's that say about you?
FP: I dunno. Can you get me a horoscope?
Me: Sure. (Quickly prints out a Yahoo! Horoscope for her)
FP: "Scorpio: If someone is getting on your last nerve, today is the day to stop the madness."
Me: Want me to explain it to you?
FP: Yeah. NO! No!
Me: It won't take me long.
FP: NO! Ok.
Me: All right, who gets on your nerves the most around here?
FP: (Points at me)
Me: Right. And what's the best way to get me to stop?
FP: Do what you say.
Me: Right again. So your horoscope means "Listen to everything I say and do what I tell you to."
FP: But you tell me to do mean and evil things.
Me: No I don't. What mean and evil things do I tell you to do?
FP: Take a shower and go to classes.
Me: That's not mean and evil. That's the natural order of things, and it says down here not to fight it. Your horoscope says you should listen to me, do what I say, take a shower, and go to classes.
FP: (Walks away, crumples up the horoscope and throws it in the trash)