So I have purchased a new kind of toothpaste after spending a few tubes in the safety and comfort of Tarter Control Crest Whitening. However, this new product was such a high achievement of marketing that I couldn't resist trying it out.
It is Crest Whitening Expressions Extreme Herbal Mint, a new flavor in the same product line as the aforementioned Lemon Ice toothpaste I bought. It came in some really slick packaging, green and sparkly, with those cool mirror prismatic effects going on. The box even had a scratch and sniff sticker on it, just like the lemon kind, to let me know exactly what the stuff smelled like. As I said in the last post, if there's a person who can resist scratch and sniff stickers, I haven't met them.
Anyways, this is one of the best named toothpastes I've ever heard of. First, we have "Crest Whitening." Trusted brand name plus whitening. I am the type of person who will not buy toothpaste that does not call itself 'whitening.' One of the main benefits of having good dental hygiene is that you don't look like a gross yellow mess when you smile, and while I'm pretty sure adding "whitening" to a toothpaste box does not require approval from the FDA, it still makes me feel good, so I need it. Next, "Expressions." Now we've entered unheard of new territory for toothpaste. I'm no longer just brushing my teeth, see, I'm now expressing myself. And what exactly does my toothpaste say about me? Let's finish it out: "Extreme Herbal Mint." I am extreme. I certainly do not compromise when it comes to plaque, no sir. But, the "Herbal Mint" says I'm concerned about what goes into my body, and about the environment. No toxic, synthetic, factory mass produced mint for me. Just the regular herbal kind. It's like brushing my teeth with leaves. And, uh, not to bely my botanical ignorance or anything, but, mint is an herb by definition, right?
However, I still was not convinced I should try this kind. It was only after a moment's reflection that I decided to try it, when I realized that Proctor and Gamble's marketing stooges put all of this effort in an attempt to make me think that mint flavored toothpaste was a radical new concept. Job well done, everyone.
Showing posts with label Dental Hygiene. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dental Hygiene. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Saturday, March 3, 2007
I Don't Like the Drugs; the Drugs, They Like Me
Take a body highly reactive to medication and add a slight head injury with a regular ibuprofen regimen and what do you get? Bizarre dreams, of course.
I dreamt I was going to the optometrist in town. I actually need to go to the eye doctor, so this is not really weird. The building I went to in my dream is actually a dentist's office. I actually need to go to the dentist, so this isn't too weird either, aside from the fact that I thought it was an optometrist.
When I went into the office, my cousin was working there as an assistant, except he had evil plans, I tell you. Evil. As a result, before he could approach my eyes with a vicious looking laser saw, I ran out of the building, and discovered I was in Los Angeles.
After trying to locate my friend Randy, and happily remembering that I'm led to believe SoCal is populated almost entirely by beautiful women, I decided I needed a job. Oh yeah, I knew I was in LA because I kept singing "I Love LA" by Randy Newman. I might actually have BEEN Randy Newman, too, because I sounded exactly like him, whereas in reality, I sound nothing like Randy Newman.
Anyway, I hopped into a subway car and started driving along the track until I reached a hospital. The supervisor there told me he needed someone to clean up a massive medicine spill. It seems that the Haldol and Geodon had spilled and were mixing together to form a hazardous material. Why did they have liquid concentrations of Haldol and Geodon? I don't know, but it was my job to clean them up. The only problem was that I'm hyper-affected by drugs, so the hazmat solution would have a worse effect on me than the people he already had. He wouldn't listen, though, so I had to get away by pointing and saying "Look at that!" and then sprinting back to my subway car before he caught me and threw me into the spill room. Fortunately, I made it just in time, and took off in my subway car very fast.
Regrettably, my subway car broke down at the foot of a gigantic, 30 story-tall hill. Since I didn't want to climb the hill, I got out of my subway car and went into the nearest building, which opened up into a boxing arena and I was coming down the aisle with a blue cape on me. I looked into the ring and my opponent was a patient from my unit, but not the one who hit me. However, after the bell rang, I spent the entirety of the match arguing with his manager and entourage about how much I owed them for dinner while the patient ran back and forth.
And then I woke up, and was very confused. And running late for work because my alarm didn't go off.
I dreamt I was going to the optometrist in town. I actually need to go to the eye doctor, so this is not really weird. The building I went to in my dream is actually a dentist's office. I actually need to go to the dentist, so this isn't too weird either, aside from the fact that I thought it was an optometrist.
When I went into the office, my cousin was working there as an assistant, except he had evil plans, I tell you. Evil. As a result, before he could approach my eyes with a vicious looking laser saw, I ran out of the building, and discovered I was in Los Angeles.
After trying to locate my friend Randy, and happily remembering that I'm led to believe SoCal is populated almost entirely by beautiful women, I decided I needed a job. Oh yeah, I knew I was in LA because I kept singing "I Love LA" by Randy Newman. I might actually have BEEN Randy Newman, too, because I sounded exactly like him, whereas in reality, I sound nothing like Randy Newman.
Anyway, I hopped into a subway car and started driving along the track until I reached a hospital. The supervisor there told me he needed someone to clean up a massive medicine spill. It seems that the Haldol and Geodon had spilled and were mixing together to form a hazardous material. Why did they have liquid concentrations of Haldol and Geodon? I don't know, but it was my job to clean them up. The only problem was that I'm hyper-affected by drugs, so the hazmat solution would have a worse effect on me than the people he already had. He wouldn't listen, though, so I had to get away by pointing and saying "Look at that!" and then sprinting back to my subway car before he caught me and threw me into the spill room. Fortunately, I made it just in time, and took off in my subway car very fast.
Regrettably, my subway car broke down at the foot of a gigantic, 30 story-tall hill. Since I didn't want to climb the hill, I got out of my subway car and went into the nearest building, which opened up into a boxing arena and I was coming down the aisle with a blue cape on me. I looked into the ring and my opponent was a patient from my unit, but not the one who hit me. However, after the bell rang, I spent the entirety of the match arguing with his manager and entourage about how much I owed them for dinner while the patient ran back and forth.
And then I woke up, and was very confused. And running late for work because my alarm didn't go off.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Further Adventures in Dental Hygiene
I have purchased a new tube of toothpaste. It's Crest Whitening Expressions Lemon Ice. It cost a little more than I usual pay for toothpaste, but I didn't hesitate this time because after a week of using the Ultrabrite, I would've paid ten dollars for a tube of good toothpaste. Also, it had a scratch n' sniff sticker on the box to let potential customers know how it smells. If there are people in this world who can resist scratch n' sniff stickers, I haven't met them.
Naturally, after I bought the stuff Thursday night, I had to run right home and try it, and now that I've had it a full day, I can say with confidence that using this toothpaste feels like I am brushing my teeth with the filling from a Krispy Kreme Lemon Filled doughnut. I worked in a gas station and had access to all the free doughnuts I wanted once, so I know the sensation well. The gel-like texture is the same, the flavor is the same, except instead of rotting my teeth out, it cleans and strengthens them instead. Best. Toothpaste. Ever.
Naturally, after I bought the stuff Thursday night, I had to run right home and try it, and now that I've had it a full day, I can say with confidence that using this toothpaste feels like I am brushing my teeth with the filling from a Krispy Kreme Lemon Filled doughnut. I worked in a gas station and had access to all the free doughnuts I wanted once, so I know the sensation well. The gel-like texture is the same, the flavor is the same, except instead of rotting my teeth out, it cleans and strengthens them instead. Best. Toothpaste. Ever.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
There's a switch
Things went much better at work yesterday, so I'm going to change my tone from talking about very serious problems with my job to not at all serious problems with my life. A good time shall be had by all.
1. I'm out of toothpaste, sort of. I once bought a tube of Ultrabrite toothpaste because it was only 50 cents or something, so I figured it was worth a try. It wasn't. Ultrabrite is more like actual paste than toothpaste. Anyway, after brushing my teeth about three days with it, at which point it clogged up my drain, I decided to go buy some Crest and save the Ultrabrite for only the most dire, dire emergencies. Since then, I've been very good about buying real toothpaste when it's on sale, but I find myself out now, and have been using the Ultrabrite. This is compounded by the fact that in the year that it's been sitting in my medicine cabinet, the Ultrabrite toothpaste has glued itself into its tube and will not come out. I have squeezed that tube with both hands as hard as I can and still can't break it. The past three nights I've been thinking, "Is it better to brush with Ultrabrite or just wait until I have real toothpaste?" I err on the side of hygiene, but the thought is there.
2. I have no hot water, sort of. In normal circumstances, my water takes about 10 minutes to heat up, at which point it gets very hot and serviceable for a shower. Now, my water takes about 10 minutes to get lukewarm, and then five minutes later will become ice cold again. In that five minutes, I get in the shower and bathe as quickly as possible before I get frozen out again. It's the least relaxing way to get clean ever. This has also made me obsessive compulsive about my hair, as it always feels dirty now since I'm in and out. I feel the need to wash my hair about 8 times a day. If I could harness that into the need to clean my apartment just once a week, I'd be doing a lot better.
3. There's a heat lamp in my bathroom, sort of. I've never tried it before today, but as my water was cold and the apartment was cold, I thought maybe I could use it to warm up my bathroom and at least get a little bit of heat. It didn't work. I cranked it up, it emitted some horrible noise and a terrible smell of something burning that I initially pinned to "animal carcass." I think if I had left it on, I would've caused an electrical fire.
So, anyone who sees me in real life, please forgive me if I seem a little less hygienic than usual.
1. I'm out of toothpaste, sort of. I once bought a tube of Ultrabrite toothpaste because it was only 50 cents or something, so I figured it was worth a try. It wasn't. Ultrabrite is more like actual paste than toothpaste. Anyway, after brushing my teeth about three days with it, at which point it clogged up my drain, I decided to go buy some Crest and save the Ultrabrite for only the most dire, dire emergencies. Since then, I've been very good about buying real toothpaste when it's on sale, but I find myself out now, and have been using the Ultrabrite. This is compounded by the fact that in the year that it's been sitting in my medicine cabinet, the Ultrabrite toothpaste has glued itself into its tube and will not come out. I have squeezed that tube with both hands as hard as I can and still can't break it. The past three nights I've been thinking, "Is it better to brush with Ultrabrite or just wait until I have real toothpaste?" I err on the side of hygiene, but the thought is there.
2. I have no hot water, sort of. In normal circumstances, my water takes about 10 minutes to heat up, at which point it gets very hot and serviceable for a shower. Now, my water takes about 10 minutes to get lukewarm, and then five minutes later will become ice cold again. In that five minutes, I get in the shower and bathe as quickly as possible before I get frozen out again. It's the least relaxing way to get clean ever. This has also made me obsessive compulsive about my hair, as it always feels dirty now since I'm in and out. I feel the need to wash my hair about 8 times a day. If I could harness that into the need to clean my apartment just once a week, I'd be doing a lot better.
3. There's a heat lamp in my bathroom, sort of. I've never tried it before today, but as my water was cold and the apartment was cold, I thought maybe I could use it to warm up my bathroom and at least get a little bit of heat. It didn't work. I cranked it up, it emitted some horrible noise and a terrible smell of something burning that I initially pinned to "animal carcass." I think if I had left it on, I would've caused an electrical fire.
So, anyone who sees me in real life, please forgive me if I seem a little less hygienic than usual.
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