There's a switch

Things went much better at work yesterday, so I'm going to change my tone from talking about very serious problems with my job to not at all serious problems with my life. A good time shall be had by all.

1. I'm out of toothpaste, sort of. I once bought a tube of Ultrabrite toothpaste because it was only 50 cents or something, so I figured it was worth a try. It wasn't. Ultrabrite is more like actual paste than toothpaste. Anyway, after brushing my teeth about three days with it, at which point it clogged up my drain, I decided to go buy some Crest and save the Ultrabrite for only the most dire, dire emergencies. Since then, I've been very good about buying real toothpaste when it's on sale, but I find myself out now, and have been using the Ultrabrite. This is compounded by the fact that in the year that it's been sitting in my medicine cabinet, the Ultrabrite toothpaste has glued itself into its tube and will not come out. I have squeezed that tube with both hands as hard as I can and still can't break it. The past three nights I've been thinking, "Is it better to brush with Ultrabrite or just wait until I have real toothpaste?" I err on the side of hygiene, but the thought is there.

2. I have no hot water, sort of. In normal circumstances, my water takes about 10 minutes to heat up, at which point it gets very hot and serviceable for a shower. Now, my water takes about 10 minutes to get lukewarm, and then five minutes later will become ice cold again. In that five minutes, I get in the shower and bathe as quickly as possible before I get frozen out again. It's the least relaxing way to get clean ever. This has also made me obsessive compulsive about my hair, as it always feels dirty now since I'm in and out. I feel the need to wash my hair about 8 times a day. If I could harness that into the need to clean my apartment just once a week, I'd be doing a lot better.

3. There's a heat lamp in my bathroom, sort of. I've never tried it before today, but as my water was cold and the apartment was cold, I thought maybe I could use it to warm up my bathroom and at least get a little bit of heat. It didn't work. I cranked it up, it emitted some horrible noise and a terrible smell of something burning that I initially pinned to "animal carcass." I think if I had left it on, I would've caused an electrical fire.

So, anyone who sees me in real life, please forgive me if I seem a little less hygienic than usual.