How Soon I Forget

A confluence of bills has led to me having a lower bank account balance than normal, and I'm utterly freaking out. Oh My God! What'll I do?! I've got less money in the bank than I usually do! I'll have to start watching what I spend again! No more superfluous snacks at work for me!

Then I realize that for almost two years, I went through every month with just enough money to pay rent, electric, and cable internets. Money in the bank never happened. Seriously, I'll survive this.

OWWW My Self-Respect!

So, I'm not exactly tired, despite the fact that I usually try to go to bed at 5 am. As a result of this, I decided to do some form of exercises to tire myself out so I can go to sleep soon enough to get a decent amount of rest.

Rather than waste my time with strength exercises, I skip straight to aerobic stuff. This involves mostly turning on some 70s funk* and grooving enthusiastically until I get tired of getting down. I start out pretty calmly, then proceed to get wilder, doing jumps, and spins, while attempting a few rudimentary breakdancing maneuvers.

Now, I have a very strangely laid out apartment. It consists of two bedrooms, a kitchen, a random room, a bathroom, and a living room that are nearly completely unconnected that independently branch off from a very long hallway. The hallway is long enough that a long-legged 6'4"ian like myself can take 25 full steps. My workout soon required me to dance up and down the hall, very quickly, until I was nigh-on sprinting with my leaps and bounds until...

::KLONGGG::

::THUDD::

OWWWWWW!!! GODDAMN THAT HURT!!!

It turns out that some careless individual left his 20 lb hand weights against the wall in the hallway rather than their assigned place in the random room, and in the midst of getting my groove on, I tripped over them while moving at a very high speed and hit the door at the end of the hall, picking up a couple of rug burns on my knees for good measure. Worse, I did not clip my toenails this morning as I had planned due to me running late from sleeping in, and so they were a little too long for safety in a head on collision. One broke off and cut one of my toes. And all of my toes are bruising quite quickly.

And I appear to be out of ibuprofen. Luckily I've got an ice pack to keep the swelling down. In the meantime, my aerobic workout has been changed from "full body funk groove" to "white man's overbite".

This is easily the dumbest, most humiliating injury I have ever incurred, and stupidity of this magnitude demands to be shared with anyone who will listen.

*The particular song? "Strawberry Letter #23" by the Brothers Johnson.

Drugs abuse me, but I deserve it.

Today I had a brilliant idea. I waste 45 minutes in Richmond with nothing to do every day that I work, and call it a "break." Why don't I clean my car for the first time since October during that 45 minutes and live in slightly less filth for a change. So I did. Or rather, I spent 15 minutes cleaning the front seat, then said, "That's enough for today. I'll get the rest tomorrow."

Also, I have no hot water again, and it's happening with enough frequency that I feel I should contact my absentee landlord. The problem is that my apartment is so disgusting that I really don't want anyone to enter it, including myself. So, will cold showers and shame be enough to finally, finally get me to clean my apartment? I have my doubts, sadly.

On the other hand, I'm thisclose to having a clean bathroom, and if I can just not to do nothing for an entire week, I might claim a rare victory against the second law of thermodynamics. And, I plan on buying a snazzy keyboard of some kind next week to begin my inevitable rise to rockstardom, so I'll obviously need to clean some room.

On the drug front: My Worthless Inhaler gives me a terrible, terrible headache every time I use it. It's really bad for about five minutes, then just lingers for about an hour. It's most unpleasant. Also, I have no freaking clue about how often I'm supposed to be using it. A book at work said every 6 hours. My doctor said once a day and as needed. The paper that came with it says one or two puffs once or twice a day plus as needed. I'm confused. I'd be less confused if I could notice any effects outside of wicked headache, but I sadly do not.

Also, add Clearasil to the list of drugs that affects me too drastically to be useful. Clearasil not only gets rid of any pimples on my face, but then takes all skin nearby with it. Also, it's absolutely essential that I shield my face not only from the awesome power of the sun, but also from the awesome power of the 40 watt incandescent light bulb, as any exposure will fry my poor face to a crisp. None of this does wonders for my self-image, and I frequently wonder why I bother with it at all.

Another softball over the plate...

BerryBird in comments:

My college roommate D loved Neil Diamond. We ragged him pretty good about that, believe me. He also drank diet sodas, which also seemed unlikely for a scrawny male undergraduate. We lumped both traits together into his suite of middle-aged secretary behaviors. But who knows if secretaries really listen to Neil Diamond? D is the only person I've ever met who would admit to it.

My unit's evening shift employees went out for drinks and pizza after work on Friday night in honor of Jerry's last night on the shift. Here's a fun snippet of conversation:

Waitress: Can I get you anything?
Andy: Yes, I'd like a Bavarian Chocolate Cake and a Diet whatever you have... Coke it looks like.
Everyone else: (laughing)
Andy: What?
Jerry: Watching your figure there, Andy?
Claudia: Really. If you're getting a big chocolate cake, why go halfway with the Coke?
Andy: Look, my dentist told me to never drink sugared soda again. He said nothing about not eating chocolate cake.

I'd kick myself, but my head still hurts.

I've read Tom the Dancing Bug for almost five years now. Every time I read it on uComics, the little navigation arrows inform me that the previous cartoon is "Tiny Sepuku", and yet now, while searching for the name of a song I just heard a snippet of, I find it independently and start reading.

It's hilarious. I waste a jillion hours a year online looking at stupid crap. How did I not just click the "Previous Cartoon" button once?