Friday, March 16, 2007

Even More Self-Humiliation

Susie, apparently masquerading as my sister Casey, in comments:

Anything by S&G rocks. Although I do have horrible flashbacks of one of the worst dates of my life (he was a rich yuppie from Carmel who quoted S&G songs all night...eep!)

Hey, a recently repressed memory about my ill-fated romance with my boss while I worked at Shell is returning to consciousness. In no way will this make me feel like a loser, I'm sure.

It seems during one night of passionate romance early on in our star-crossed, furtive relationship, in the throes of post-coital cuddling, pillow-talk began commencing. Now, some of you may have realized by now that complimenting people does not come naturally to me. I have to make an effort at it, and it generally sounds painfully forced. My normal social interaction involves sarcastic jabs and self-deprecation until everyone involved feels considerably worse about their lot in life. As a result, I sucked at pillow talk, got bored very quickly, and decided to make a game out of it: would it be possible to answer every statement and question merely by quoting The Carpenters until the other party becomes so annoyed that the exercise is brought to a screeching halt?

The answer is yes, and it's easier than you'd think because it does not take long. At all. If you've ever had the desire to have your lover laugh at you following your sexual endeavors, this is a foolproof strategy, assuming the fool knows the lyrics to several songs by The Carpenters. As a bonus, The Carpenters immediately transform from a band with cheesy songs that you laugh at into an easy way to get laid. Evidence suggests that it is not a good long-term strategy, however, and should be used sparingly.

1 comment:

Annie's Mama said...

This is even more evidence that you were with a crazy BeOtCh! My parents played "Close to You" at their wedding in 1971 and despite their strange selection of music, they're still together. Granted my Dad used to play "Release Me" a few months later on the piano... but that's another story (I thought you would enjoy the fact that someone actually played an Engelbert Humperdinck song :)).