There is a serious dearth of hilarious, puzzle-based, character driven adventure games on the video game market these days. So, here's a blast from the past.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Chili
At work, I have been drafted to represent my unit in the State Hospital Chili Cook-Off next month. I'm pretty sure I was chosen for my competitiveness, for my rapport with the participating client, and so the other staff wouldn't have to do it.
I'm equally sure that I was not chosen based on my culinary abilities, as I have none.
So I turn to the Five Readers, and by the Five Readers, I mostly mean my friend Lis, who routinely blogs recipes. I need a good chili recipe. Really spicy, kicking chili, replete with Guatemalan Insanity Peppers, if possible. No wimpy brown sugary sweet chili need apply. Also, the participating client is allergic to mushrooms, regrettably, so a shroomless chili, as unfathomable a thought as it is to me, is going to be required.
I'm equally sure that I was not chosen based on my culinary abilities, as I have none.
So I turn to the Five Readers, and by the Five Readers, I mostly mean my friend Lis, who routinely blogs recipes. I need a good chili recipe. Really spicy, kicking chili, replete with Guatemalan Insanity Peppers, if possible. No wimpy brown sugary sweet chili need apply. Also, the participating client is allergic to mushrooms, regrettably, so a shroomless chili, as unfathomable a thought as it is to me, is going to be required.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Six Weird Things
I got pseudo-tagged for this via a comment from BerryBird, so I'll go ahead and oblige.
1. I do not own a mobile phone. I also have no desire to ever own a mobile phone. From an outsider's perspective, they appear to be highly annoying contraptions. If there is someone you do not want to talk to, they can still call you anytime they want, and you have to make an effort to ignore them. Then people say that I could turn it off, except that I feel that turning the phone off would be wasting money. Then they tell me it'd be handy in emergencies, but I feel that there are plenty of things that would be handy in emergencies that I do not feel the need to buy, such as a complete first aid and trauma kit complete with defribrillators. I find back-up plans to be much more cost effective.
2. I wear socks at all times. The only times I remove my socks are when I take a shower and when I change my socks. That's it. And in the shower, I wear flip flops. My bare feet do not touch the ground. Ever.
3. I might be affected by medication and drugs more drastically than anyone I know. The first time I took an Advil, my entire face went numb. The first time I took NyQuil, I slept for 19 solid hours. Antibiotics always seem to cause really bizarre, freaky dreams. As a kid, I always got really carsick anytime we went somewhere, and Dramamine would knock me out for the entire day. For awhile, I thought non-drowsy Dramamine II was the best thing anyone ever made. My new inhaler for my asthma gives me a headrush that leaves a pounding headache. The result of all this is that I do no drugs outside of caffeine unless I absolutely have to. No alcohol, no cigarettes, no pot, and very very little medication, simply because I hate the drastic effects they have on me.
4. My best friend who has known me since high school just called, and I asked him what the weirdest thing about me is, and he said that I 'glide' rather than walk. I asked for specifics, and he just said it was sort of like a Kramer thing when I enter a room. I can also say that during my sophomore year of college, while I was home on Christmas break, I was walking around the Promenade in Richmond and a friend I hadn't seen since high school recognized me from a couple blocks away from behind despite the fact that I was bundled up from head to toe, simply by my walk, so I guess I have a Walk. And you can tell by the way I use my Walk that I'm a woman's man, no time to talk.
5. I regularly have days where I forget to eat. I'll start feeling weak, my head will start hurting, and it will only be after I consider going to bed that I remember that I'm probably starving to death.
6. I have no accomplishments that I'm particularly proud of.
As for tagging people, I frequently point out that my blog only has five readers (Casey, Lis, Susie, Audra, BerryBird). Audra doesn't have a blog, so Casey, Lis, and Susie, consider yourselves tagged. And Audra, I expect an email from you.
1. I do not own a mobile phone. I also have no desire to ever own a mobile phone. From an outsider's perspective, they appear to be highly annoying contraptions. If there is someone you do not want to talk to, they can still call you anytime they want, and you have to make an effort to ignore them. Then people say that I could turn it off, except that I feel that turning the phone off would be wasting money. Then they tell me it'd be handy in emergencies, but I feel that there are plenty of things that would be handy in emergencies that I do not feel the need to buy, such as a complete first aid and trauma kit complete with defribrillators. I find back-up plans to be much more cost effective.
2. I wear socks at all times. The only times I remove my socks are when I take a shower and when I change my socks. That's it. And in the shower, I wear flip flops. My bare feet do not touch the ground. Ever.
3. I might be affected by medication and drugs more drastically than anyone I know. The first time I took an Advil, my entire face went numb. The first time I took NyQuil, I slept for 19 solid hours. Antibiotics always seem to cause really bizarre, freaky dreams. As a kid, I always got really carsick anytime we went somewhere, and Dramamine would knock me out for the entire day. For awhile, I thought non-drowsy Dramamine II was the best thing anyone ever made. My new inhaler for my asthma gives me a headrush that leaves a pounding headache. The result of all this is that I do no drugs outside of caffeine unless I absolutely have to. No alcohol, no cigarettes, no pot, and very very little medication, simply because I hate the drastic effects they have on me.
4. My best friend who has known me since high school just called, and I asked him what the weirdest thing about me is, and he said that I 'glide' rather than walk. I asked for specifics, and he just said it was sort of like a Kramer thing when I enter a room. I can also say that during my sophomore year of college, while I was home on Christmas break, I was walking around the Promenade in Richmond and a friend I hadn't seen since high school recognized me from a couple blocks away from behind despite the fact that I was bundled up from head to toe, simply by my walk, so I guess I have a Walk. And you can tell by the way I use my Walk that I'm a woman's man, no time to talk.
5. I regularly have days where I forget to eat. I'll start feeling weak, my head will start hurting, and it will only be after I consider going to bed that I remember that I'm probably starving to death.
6. I have no accomplishments that I'm particularly proud of.
As for tagging people, I frequently point out that my blog only has five readers (Casey, Lis, Susie, Audra, BerryBird). Audra doesn't have a blog, so Casey, Lis, and Susie, consider yourselves tagged. And Audra, I expect an email from you.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
My Personal House of Glass
Anyone who likes either Avril Lavigne or Sk8er Boi who was offended by that last post should remember that the following cds appear in my collection:
Ace of Base, The Sign
Hootie and the Blowfish, Cracked Rear View
Andrew W.K., I Get Wet
Duran Duran, Greatest Hits
Meat Loaf, Bat Out of Hell
The Essential Neil Diamond
Also, while I've never made a "Top Ten Pop Songs From the 90s" list, I'm guessing if I did, "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys would make the cut. Not in the top 5, of course, but I think it'd slip in one of the bottom slots.
That should be plenty of ammo for anyone whose music sensibilities I've offended.
Ace of Base, The Sign
Hootie and the Blowfish, Cracked Rear View
Andrew W.K., I Get Wet
Duran Duran, Greatest Hits
Meat Loaf, Bat Out of Hell
The Essential Neil Diamond
Also, while I've never made a "Top Ten Pop Songs From the 90s" list, I'm guessing if I did, "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys would make the cut. Not in the top 5, of course, but I think it'd slip in one of the bottom slots.
That should be plenty of ammo for anyone whose music sensibilities I've offended.
Friday, February 23, 2007
I'm Just a H8er Boi
Talking about my problems with people usually does not make me feel better about them. I generally ruminate enough to come up with a wide variety of thoughts on them rather than single-mindedly obsessing about one particular aspect.
Making fun of people I've never met, however, generally does the trick, so that's what I'm going to do right now.
That said, if you are a fan of Avril Lavigne, or on the off chance that you ARE Avril Lavigne, I suggest reading something else.
On my way to work today I heard Avril Lavigne's "Sk8er Boi" on the radio. I never change the radio station when I hear this song, even though I reflexively turn the station anytime any other Avril Lavigne song comes on. I guess this one bothers me less because it's replaces her ordinarily whiny lyrics with utterly inane ones. I think I listen to it to see if I find it dumber than I did last time I heard it. I always do.
Ok, I feel better already.
Making fun of people I've never met, however, generally does the trick, so that's what I'm going to do right now.
That said, if you are a fan of Avril Lavigne, or on the off chance that you ARE Avril Lavigne, I suggest reading something else.
On my way to work today I heard Avril Lavigne's "Sk8er Boi" on the radio. I never change the radio station when I hear this song, even though I reflexively turn the station anytime any other Avril Lavigne song comes on. I guess this one bothers me less because it's replaces her ordinarily whiny lyrics with utterly inane ones. I think I listen to it to see if I find it dumber than I did last time I heard it. I always do.
He was a boy, she was a girlTwo things here: 1. Unless you're suggesting that every girl and every boy desire to sleep with each other, yes. 2. This is the first time Avril states that she doesn't need to say anything else, but then continues singing anyway.
Can i make it any more obvious?
He was a punk, she did balletWell, for starters, you might try working on your qualifications for deciding what makes people a 'punk', there, Avril. Just sayin. And again, I'm thinking you're going to say more anyway.
What more can i say?
He wanted her, She'd never tellDamned baggy clothes-ists. Also, I'm not positive, but I think this was the exact plot of "From Justin to Kelly".
Secretly she wanted him as well
But all of her friends stuck up their nose
They had a problem with his baggy clothes
He was a sk8er boi. She said 'see you later boy.'This clever line never gets old. Never.
He wasn't good enough for herOh man, a cliffhanger. Will she finally shred her baggy pants prejudice and love him for the sk8er boi he truly is?
She had a pretty face, but her head was up in space
She needed to come back down to earth...
5 years from now, she sits at homeIn my experience, the beautiful, preppy kids whose parents can afford ballet lessons for their children always end up being poor white trash. Well, at least a solid 9/10 times.
Feeding the baby she's all alone
She turns on tv. Guess who she seesWait, what? If he's Sk8er Boi, which I'm half convinced is his given name by now, shouldn't he be on the X-Games on ESPN 8, the Ocho? How did Sk8er Boi grow up to become the Guitar Man? Is Mr. Tambourine his percussionist?
Sk8er Boi rockin up MTV
She calls up her friends. They already know,Wait, what? I thought she was the one who liked him and her friends all hated him; why were they the ones following Sk8er Boi's career? The plot twists in this song are totally blowing my mind.
And they've all get tickets to see his show
She tags along; stands in the crowdTags along? She fell hard. Not even her friends want her around. I'm not making fun of the second part because "Looks up at the man that she turned down" is actually a halfway decent song lyric. Blind squirrel, meet acorn.
Looks up at the man that she turned down
He was a sk8er boi. She said 'see you later boy.'Blind squirrel, meet rock gravel.
He wasn't good enough for her.We see with our eyes, not our faces. How about "Do your pretty eyes see what he's worth?" instead? I realize this critique is somewhat like a doctor telling a terminally ill cancer patient that his poor posture might lead to back problems in his old age, but I felt I should point out that even the least offensive stanza has an easily observed problem.
Now he's a super star, slamming on his guitar.
Does your pretty face see what he's worth?
Sorry girl but you missed outThese lines are much funnier if you sing them in a deep Evil Movie Villain voice. "The Sk8r Boi shall be all MINE! Muahahahahaha"
Well tough luck that boy's mine now
We are more than just good friendsSo the song's over then, right? Right?
This is how the story ends
Too bad that you couldn't see,Right, forgot. Gotta have a moral at the end: "Underneath every baggy exterior lies a sensitive soul." Where was Aesop on that one? So, song's over now, right? Right?
See the man that boy could be
There is more that meets the eye
I see the soul that is inside
He's just a boy, and Im just a girlYes. Yes I have heard. In the previous verse. And in the bridge. And in the chorus. I had heard quite frequently. And I have the feeling I'm going to hear it again soon.
Can I make it any more obvious?
We are in love. Haven't you heard
How we rock each others world?
I'm with the Sk8er Boi. I said 'see you later boy.'Wait, what? I thought you were with him. Why are you saying 'see you later boy'? Are you dumping the poor Sk8er Boi because he's gone too commercial when it used to be about the sk8ing? Or did you just fail to come up with an equally lame lyric that actually makes sense in the context of the song, like maybe "I'm with the Sk8er Boi, 'cause he's not a H8er Boi!"?
I'll be back stage after the showAnd now you're stalking him? Or are you like Yoko Ono and trying to break up the band? Or maybe she's going all Fight Club on us and she actually is both the pretty ballet dancer from high school and the singer, and the song is a dark reflection of her tortured soul. I don't know. Truly, there are few songs that raise as many disturbing questions as Sk8er Boi, first and foremost being "Why didn't I just change the channel?" closely followed by "Why does 'Sk8er' have an 'e' in it? That's totally an unnecessary keystroke."
I'll be at the studio singing the song we wrote
About a girl he used to know...
Ok, I feel better already.
Contrary to what the last post suggests...
| You Are Kermit |
 Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies! |
It leaves out that while everyone likes Kermit, he's not really anyone's favorite Muppet. Except mine.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Close to my soul, and yet so far away
For a couple of weeks, I thought I was going to miss February this year. As February began, the Colts were in the Super Bowl, so it didn't feel like February. Then the Colts went on and won the Super Bowl, so that helped delay February for a while longer. Then we got two lovely and delightful winter storms within a few days of each other, and the cold weather held up for a week afterwards. Snow always lifts my spirits, and we had experienced none up until then, so I was finally satisfied with my winter (although a couple more snowstorms wouldn't hurt either).
But now the high from my favorite team of 15 years finally winning a championship has subsided, and the depressing February mild weather has set in. Rain storms are frequent enough to be miserable, but haven't succeeded in melting the huge mountains of snow the plows put on the edges of the streets. These mounds are bereft of any beauty the snow had previously exhibited, and just remind me of how happy I was a week ago, which just highlights my utter lack of happiness at this moment.
And now, I'm remembering exactly why February is the most depressing month of the year.
My depression isn't remotely serious. All of my depressive episodes are highly ephemeral, and the causes are very mild, garden variety things that everyone gets depressed about at some point in his or her life: crappy jobs, problematic relationships, a complete lack of relationships, few friends, etc. I won't go into details about what's eating me other than to say that I think I can do much more than my current position requires but can't seem to find a niche where I'm needed, my ex-girlfriend, after treating me with complete immaturity and disrespect, is in a happy relationship while the results Yahoo! Personals sends me suggests that there is no one within 100 miles that I would enjoy dating and it bothers me that I quietly resent her for it, and my apartment is such a mess that I can't imagine why anyone would want to hang out with me anyway. At least one of these problems appears to be easily solved.
The true point of this post is to share my natural thought processes during these occasional down periods, because I don't seem to meet many people who respond to depression quite the same way I do. I do not have thoughts of self-harm. I do not feel the need to eat more or abuse any form of drug. Instead, my knee-jerk reaction is to run, figuratively and literally. While I could still breathe while exercising, I would run when I got feeling bad, and it always cheered me up. As that option has been cruelly taken from me, my depression has risen. Now, I get a very strong case of wanderlust. The target of my move has always been someplace rather remote and freezing. I once had a dream I was moving to Billings, MT. I once searched for jobs in Fairbanks, AK. In college, I openly wondered what moving to Oslo would require.
Those are just examples of what I think, though. I'm unable to describe the exact feeling behind it. Luckily, the Great Gonzo can do it for me:
Everytime I get depressed, I become more convinced that I don't belong here. I usually convince myself that I'd be the same anywhere, that my depression is caused internally, and a change of scenery would be a temporary fix at best. I'm not sure of that now.
But now the high from my favorite team of 15 years finally winning a championship has subsided, and the depressing February mild weather has set in. Rain storms are frequent enough to be miserable, but haven't succeeded in melting the huge mountains of snow the plows put on the edges of the streets. These mounds are bereft of any beauty the snow had previously exhibited, and just remind me of how happy I was a week ago, which just highlights my utter lack of happiness at this moment.
And now, I'm remembering exactly why February is the most depressing month of the year.
My depression isn't remotely serious. All of my depressive episodes are highly ephemeral, and the causes are very mild, garden variety things that everyone gets depressed about at some point in his or her life: crappy jobs, problematic relationships, a complete lack of relationships, few friends, etc. I won't go into details about what's eating me other than to say that I think I can do much more than my current position requires but can't seem to find a niche where I'm needed, my ex-girlfriend, after treating me with complete immaturity and disrespect, is in a happy relationship while the results Yahoo! Personals sends me suggests that there is no one within 100 miles that I would enjoy dating and it bothers me that I quietly resent her for it, and my apartment is such a mess that I can't imagine why anyone would want to hang out with me anyway. At least one of these problems appears to be easily solved.
The true point of this post is to share my natural thought processes during these occasional down periods, because I don't seem to meet many people who respond to depression quite the same way I do. I do not have thoughts of self-harm. I do not feel the need to eat more or abuse any form of drug. Instead, my knee-jerk reaction is to run, figuratively and literally. While I could still breathe while exercising, I would run when I got feeling bad, and it always cheered me up. As that option has been cruelly taken from me, my depression has risen. Now, I get a very strong case of wanderlust. The target of my move has always been someplace rather remote and freezing. I once had a dream I was moving to Billings, MT. I once searched for jobs in Fairbanks, AK. In college, I openly wondered what moving to Oslo would require.
Those are just examples of what I think, though. I'm unable to describe the exact feeling behind it. Luckily, the Great Gonzo can do it for me:
This looks familiar, vaguely familiar,
Almost unreal, yet, it's too soon to feel yet.
Close to my soul, and yet so far away.
I'm going to go back there someday.
Sun rises, night falls, sometimes the sky calls.
Is that a song there, and do I belong there?
I've never been there, but I know the way.
I'm going to go back there someday.
Come and go with me, it's more fun to share,
We'll both be completely at home in midair.
We're flyin', not walkin', on featherless wings.
We can hold onto love like invisible strings.
There's not a word yet for old friends who've just met.
Part heaven, part space, or have I found my place?
You can just visit, but I plan to stay.
I'm going to go back there someday.
I'm going to go back there someday.
Everytime I get depressed, I become more convinced that I don't belong here. I usually convince myself that I'd be the same anywhere, that my depression is caused internally, and a change of scenery would be a temporary fix at best. I'm not sure of that now.
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