Wednesday, July 11, 2007

New Adventures In Loserdom

Sometimes, I like to imagine that people sit around and think, "I know Andy doesn't sleep at night. I wonder what sorts of thoughts he thinks during the solitary hours while the rest of us are snoozing. Besides writing freaking awesome blog posts, of course."

Well, mythical people that exist only in my imagination, this post is for you.

10:45 pm, leaving the MRDD: Time to go home! Works over! Good-bye, my lovely colleagues. I wonder what fun-filled route I'll take home tonight?

11:00 pm, either College Corner Rd., Gaar-Jackson Rd., or I-70: Hells bells, I forgot to go to the store... should I turn around? Nah. I'll be in Richmond tomorrow. I can go another night without a proper dinner.

11:30 pm, in front of the computer: Crap. No new email. No comments either. Perhaps I should start comment fishing during my blog posts.

12:10 am, still in front of computer: You know, I should probably clean this place up. At least get some laundry done.

12:15 am, in the bedroom: Why do I have so many clothes? What the hell is the point of this? I'm never going to get all this done. I friggin give up.

12:20 am, the front room: Ooh, Dynasty Warriors 5!
Hey Andy!
Yes?
Remember when you said you were only going to play Dynasty Warriors until you beat it with all 48 characters?
Yeah...
And then you said you were only going to play it until you found all the hidden weapons?
Right...
And then you said you were only going to play it until you found all the hidden items?
Uh huh...
And then you said you'd play it until you lucked into a maxed out version of every item?
It took some time...
And now you're saying you'll play it until you max out every character so they're equally powerful?
That's very Roosevelt of me...
And yet you always complain about how the game is mind-numbingly repetitive?
Uh, what's your point, inner voice of nagging guilt?
You're a loser.
Oh.
A loser who will totally buy an XBox 360 just so he can play Dynasty Warriors 6: This Time, It's Exactly the Same As Dynasty Warriors 5 when it's released.
Guilty As Charged.

1:30 am: Well, time to scratch Zhuge Liang off the list. Welcome to the Maxed Out Club, O Sleeping Dragon. I'm freaking starving. I'll have to remember to go to the store after work tomorrow night.

1:40 am: Ok, I'm bored. Let's write a blog post or something.

2:30 am: You know, despite all the time I put in these things, they still sound half-assed and sucky. That's the essence of blogging, right there. Um, Laundry, I guess? Sure.

2:45 am: What are all of these "Hot/Cold" "Cold/Cold" "Warm/Cold" options good for? Someday, I shall learn. Today is not that day. Let's try "Cold/Cold" this time.

3:15 am: Crap, where are my quarters?

3:20 am: Here they are.

3:30 am: Why is it so hot in here? The sun is not out. There is no excuse for this. I need another pop. I'm still freaking starving.

3:45 am: Wasabi Trail Mix. That's good eats, but I sorely miss my frozen pizza. I must remember to go to the store tomorrow after work. Time to check out the internets again while I wait for my clothes to finish.

4:15 am: I've got another 45 minutes to kill before my clothes are done. Time to put on some music and sprint up and down my hall for awhile, jumping around like a moron in the process.

4:45 am: Why is it so hot in here? And now, inexplicably, I'm thirsty again.

5:00 am: I'm tired. I don't want to fold my clothes. I'll do it tomorrow when I get home from work.

...holy crap, I've depressed myself.

4 comments:

Nadine said...

Good grief, I'm getting up around the time you go to bed. Do you ever see the sun?

Susie said...

Your schedule sounds as bad as mine. I get up with the hubs around 5 am and then I'm up until 1-2 am. Sure I might get a cat nap in with Annie, but not SLEEP.

As I've mentioned before, I'd sell a kidney for sleep.

I miss our college days. I never slept then, but at least I could skip a class or sleep in all weekend to catch up.

Sometimes, late at night, I start singing, "Hello. How are you?
Have you been alright, through all those lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely nights?" :)

BerryBird said...

This: Why is it so hot in here? And now, inexplicably, I'm thirsty again is freaking hilarious, especially in light of how the previous half hour was spent.

KathyR said...

Plus "Wasabi Trail Mix" = "thirsty." No? I mean, the sole purpose for stuff like Wasabi Trail Mix is to sell more soda and beer, isn't it?