Friday, August 17, 2007

My New Dating Plan

In the last post's comments, Casey and Lindzy seem to suggest that I need to meet cooler people. This is not entirely true. I know plenty of cool people. However, come with me on this rare trip into my mind as I reveal my criteria for a romantic interest.

For me to date someone, she has to be

A. Cute, and

B. Awesome.

That's really all I've got. Now, some may say that this is a little too vague, but it's really not. When I say "awesome," I mean that she must inspire some form of awe in people, and particularly in me. A sort of larger-than-life personality, a presence that people can't help but notice, a unique perspective, a polarizing trait or two, a rare talent at something out of the ordinary, or just an interesting job. I know lots of cool people, people whose company I enjoy that I would hang out with on a regular basis. I know very, very few awesome people. I think I'm allowed to use this filter, because people are regularly awed, for good or for bad, when they meet me. They may think I'm strange, or offbeat (I prefer 'quirky' myself), but they do notice me, and they generally seem amused on some level by my presence.

However, this whole experience has just proven to me that my method of getting dates does not work, so I think I need to streamline the process a bit for quicker, clearer results. My new plan is to go up to cute women and just ask them if they are awesome or not, and if they are, then I'll go ahead and ask them out. I really don't see how this can go wrong. In fact, here's how I envision it going:

Andy: Excuse me, but are you awesome?
Random Cute Chick: Huh?
Andy: Are you awesome?
RCC: Why?
Andy: See, I only date women who are both cute and awesome. Cute I can figure out on my own, immediately, so I just have to find out about the awesome part.
RCC: Ok, I'm going to stand over there now.
Andy: I'll take that as a 'no', then. Better luck on being more awesome in the future.

Of course, then there's the problem of what happens when a cute woman says she's awesome, but turns out to not be awesome at all. I don't really know how to politely tell someone that I've been hanging out with them for a few hours and have not been awed even once.


BerryBird said...

Awesome is a pretty high standard. I have all sorts of questions after reading this. Is awesomeness always transparent? What if someone is shy, but awesome on the sly, and you have to get to know them before they share their awesome side?

liz said...

Ask them if they ever watched The Tick.