The Dental Hygiene Tag has been neglected for too long

So I have purchased a new kind of toothpaste after spending a few tubes in the safety and comfort of Tarter Control Crest Whitening. However, this new product was such a high achievement of marketing that I couldn't resist trying it out.

It is Crest Whitening Expressions Extreme Herbal Mint, a new flavor in the same product line as the aforementioned Lemon Ice toothpaste I bought. It came in some really slick packaging, green and sparkly, with those cool mirror prismatic effects going on. The box even had a scratch and sniff sticker on it, just like the lemon kind, to let me know exactly what the stuff smelled like. As I said in the last post, if there's a person who can resist scratch and sniff stickers, I haven't met them.

Anyways, this is one of the best named toothpastes I've ever heard of. First, we have "Crest Whitening." Trusted brand name plus whitening. I am the type of person who will not buy toothpaste that does not call itself 'whitening.' One of the main benefits of having good dental hygiene is that you don't look like a gross yellow mess when you smile, and while I'm pretty sure adding "whitening" to a toothpaste box does not require approval from the FDA, it still makes me feel good, so I need it. Next, "Expressions." Now we've entered unheard of new territory for toothpaste. I'm no longer just brushing my teeth, see, I'm now expressing myself. And what exactly does my toothpaste say about me? Let's finish it out: "Extreme Herbal Mint." I am extreme. I certainly do not compromise when it comes to plaque, no sir. But, the "Herbal Mint" says I'm concerned about what goes into my body, and about the environment. No toxic, synthetic, factory mass produced mint for me. Just the regular herbal kind. It's like brushing my teeth with leaves. And, uh, not to bely my botanical ignorance or anything, but, mint is an herb by definition, right?

However, I still was not convinced I should try this kind. It was only after a moment's reflection that I decided to try it, when I realized that Proctor and Gamble's marketing stooges put all of this effort in an attempt to make me think that mint flavored toothpaste was a radical new concept. Job well done, everyone.